From time to time I come back to this blog, which reminds me of what my activities and priorities have been. Oddly enough, it’s easier to find this information here, than it is to find it in my paper journals. Thanks, HyperText.
Anyway, yesterday I had a very, very “flat” day. That is, it was hard to think of anything I actually wanted to do. I do have things I have to do, but still a while before my nearest deadline. That’s not to say that I shouldn’t get started on it, now: I should. It will keep me from stressing, later. The thing is, I can actually feel when new neural connections are forming, and it’s not all the time pleasant.
I mean, if it were all the time pleasant, there wouldn’t be a need for truancy to be illegal. People would actually like to learn. It can be nice to learn; not so nice to fail at learning — although I’m not so much failing, as missing obvious mistakes. The fact is, however: failing is an integral part of learning.
There are certain things that I need to take care of on a regular basis. Hygiene, exercise, taking care of (healthy) food, and taking care of my spaces, count among these. Then there are the things I need to be doing as career preparation: practicing other languages, practicing coding, homework/study, and job search. After that, come the creative pursuits, which (fortunately or not) are often the uppermost things in my mind: art practice, doing 15 minutes a day of free-writing. After that, come reading, blogging, and assorted other little things, like pen maintenance.
I do feel the need to start an outline, here. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do it on the computer, without drawing; and I don’t know how far a planner (on top of a Bullet Journal) will help. I am thinking that planning out each day like I would a workday, however, should help with keeping on top of all of my priorities — if I can have the discipline to follow it, and the flexibility to change course when needed.
Already, I have an idea of what Fall Semester will be like for me — if I don’t get another job in the meantime. I’m hoping to take on part-time work, and I’ll have a commitment of 20-30 hours/week for classes — I just looked it up. Just like I were a Master’s student, again. But that should be it, for University.
Although this is what I’m looking forward to…I can’t plan out everything that far ahead. Particularly speaking, I also have my language (a review of Spanish, which should help launch me into reading Spanish; there’s also no reason I can’t work on kanji acquisition) and coding classes to think about, meaning that without on-the-job training, I may not be ready to enter the professional job market until early next year.
And yes, time ticking forward is a concern for me. There is the option of not taking classes in the Fall, but that leaves me to learn XML (a future foundational skill) and Linked Data (another future skill), on my own. Particularly, XML is a key skill that I did not intensively learn on my first round through Grad School. Linked Data is more of a hint of things to come: Cataloging is not going to stay the same, going forward. I’ll need to understand XML and Linked Data, in order to avoid becoming obsolete when the switchover does happen.
At the same time, I should be working on Python skills, at the least. I might also want to update my HTML/CSS skills…and get into some of the toolkits that are used by Catalogers.
After that, I’m looking at getting more heavily involved with the ALA, updating my Metadata skills, practicing Cataloging and Classification on my own, and going back into further XML classes. By that time, I should be fairly solid in my knowledge, although they’ll mostly prepare me for Cataloging, Metadata Librarianship, and Archives work. And…there’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to find a job in my local area: though trust me, my prospects would be worse, if we moved to where we had been thinking of moving to.
…Which reminds me that I need to start practicing driving, again. That…that will likely not be fun. But I have the time to do it. Cooking is also another life skill that I need to be practicing. Ugh. Well — with things opening up again, I may actually be able to look up some good recipes to practice with; and, be able to make them. I guess I should understand that I don’t have to do it every day — for now.
I am wondering if my parents are right: they say that the fact I put ten years into working in a Public Library system, means that I don’t need to do an Internship. Fact is, nine out of the ten of those years were working-class labor, not even paraprofessional. What I learned, I majorly learned after leaving: that I did not have to put myself through that.
But, I suppose everyone who has worked in a Library before and is going into Cataloging, would feel that way. For me, the major turning point was realizing that there was really nothing I could do to make having to deal with random people (or co-workers), be more comfortable for me.
I didn’t get to that point until doing specific research on Personality…and stumbling across a lot of information on high-functioning Autism and (secondarily) its relation to both gender-nonbinary identity, and a disorder I know I have; which I’m still dealing with. Not having a background in Psychology (or help from Psychiatry) is not the greatest thing when you’re trying to puzzle this out.
And yeah: at a certain point, I do ask whether it is really actually worth it to keep up my Creative practices — or if, in the transition to adulthood, many people just do not find or make the time for these, anymore. I know that no matter what I do, I’m going to have to write. There’s really no question about it: I become disorganized and anchorless when I don’t record and develop my thoughts, in writing.
There’s also the fact that when I’m writing to an audience, that’s a very different type of practice than recording my thoughts to myself. Especially if I range into quasi-memoir or creative nonfiction, where it’s not only myself I’m potentially causing to look bad. (Though I should remember: sometimes things look bad, because they actually are bad.)
Right now, though, it does seem that Art and Creative Writing, although I’ve stuck with them for a while, are two of the least useful skills I have…even though they are what I started out with. Right now I’m not sure to what extent I should even continue with them…although, of course, this comes after having bought a bunch of Art Supplies.
The point of having the career was so that I would have the time, energy, and money to do these things! But having the career — and further becoming a fully functional, independent adult — itself, takes up a lot of time and energy. And money.
Also, of course, there’s the possibility of the new career path, not working out…which would likely then drop me back down to depending on my skills in reading, Writing, and Art. I’m still not certain I have the Art skills to be able to get through the major story that has been developing in the back of my mind since High School — in a Graphic Novel format, that is. Writing should be easier, but even then: it would be emotionally, tough.
Particularly…writing a story which in someone else’s hands might be a love story, but which has the sexuality portion stripped away from it…means that I’m writing an intimate story with nonbinary characters from an asexual perspective, and I haven’t read anything like this in my life. That could be reason enough to write it…
After all, there is enough for a, “slightly Autistic,” nonbinary asexual person to look forward to in life, isn’t there? It’s just different from whatever the norm is, and why the norm is what it is, has never been clear…